4am... sleep eludes

This is Spike...


Well, I thought I'd just post a little progress. And a great big whine... 4 am, and there is no sleep...

I'm down to 40/40/40 as of yesterday. I took a 5 day break from my 5 mg weaning schedule, which I really needed. Yesterday is the first day I felt like a human in a long time, but of course, at bedtime I hit a wall so hard I had to be helped to bed. Again.

So. I saw Dr. L yesterday, and he was pretty grim. The high levels of steroids are starting to cause damage. I am cotrtisol resistant, and the sinus infection is eating my brain again. Can't really wean until the infection is gone, infection is getting worse, and I have to beat the ENT about the head and shoulders to make her understand the grave and serious nature of this. But I have to contine to peck awy at this until it's down. One of the dangers is that I'll need to stress dose, which will throw my completely off again. And this last weekend I sooo wanted to stress dose. I can feel my body screaming at my kidneys to try to force them to force the missing adreanals to do something... phantom limb pain...

I see the ENT tomorrow. Not sure what's gonna happen, but Dr. L said I have to push. I hate to push. But I also hate to end this jouney because of a stupid sinus infection. Not how I want to die, by the way... But new pockets of puss are forming, need sinus surgery to debreed my sinuses, need IV anti-biotics since I've been on oral antibiotics for so long that I'm in danger of destroying my stomach... Even taking the extra yogurt and live active acidopholis and lacto-bacilli... I don't want the explosive bloody diareah... I've already got 2/3 of that as it is....