Relationship with food Part II 2/11/05

I’ve been thinking a lot about food lately, and how I interact with it. The more I read this board, the more I gain a better understanding. Of myself, of others, of my husband. Lisa, I was thinking about what you said about going to the grocery store, and how you hate it there. Not me, I love to go grocery shopping. Back at home we have an upscale market chain called Larry’s Market. Oh, man, I love shopping at Larry’s market, even if I’m just going in for basic stuff. A trip to Larry’s is like going to a bookstore or a small toy store; I get the same sort of relaxed feeling when I’m there. Wow, isn’t that interesting. Hmmm, I’ll have to think on that some more.

The feeling I get at grocery stores is one of … possibility, especially at Larry’s. “Oh, I could make that for dinner” or “oooh, truffles” (no, not the chocolate, the mushrooms…) “I could make ciopino and invite people over!”

I always have a candy in the house, or an open bar of chocolate or bag of M&Ms. I buy the medium sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms and it will last me about a month and a half or two. I have a can of Pringles I’ve had since December, unopened. It is all about the possibility. If I have these things near me, I don’t need to eat them. Talk about your comfort food.

Now ice cream on the other hand, well ice cream = love. This I learned also from my Dad. And a feeder boyfriend--he called it “ice cream therapy.” Whenever I was feeling especially depressed or down, he would take me out for ice cream. Hmmm. Oh yes, good ice cream is a drug of choice. I used it when I was in such pain from carpal tunnel, chocolate chocolate-chip ice cream… Ice cream never seems to stay in my freezer long. I just realize that I haven’t had any in a month, and that is saying quite a bit for me…

One of the things I am doing to get ready for the band is learning to chew-chew-chew every bite I eat. I realized that I was a gulper, hurry and eat fast. (Part of that is no doubt because if there was food on our plates after my dad would finish his, he would poach off everybody’s plates…. He didn’t do this all the time, but often enough that it caused action.) I’ve noticed that some of the food I regularly eat isn’t worth eating. It isn’t worth the time and effort it takes to chew it to smithereens.

And like Lisa, I’m a night eater if I don’t eat breakfast. And lately I’ve gotten into the bad habit of only having coffee for breakfast.

I still don’t know how my relationship to food will change once I’ve had my band installed. I suppose all I can do is continue to look at my current relationship with it. Otherwise, how will I know how it changes, or to change the behaviors that have lead me to needing the band?