Pictures in my Mind 1/22/5

I think we all have a picture of what we look like in our heads. (I could be wrong on this; I just discovered that not everybody had a radio in their heads. Big shock on my part…) whether this picture is correct and accurate or a gross misrepresentation of our true physical body is often a factor in our weight. I know that I always thought I was fat, even when I was “normal” sized. Part of that for me was what the scale said, part of that was from the tapes from my childhood. Fat and ugly, fat and ugly, fat and ugly. In my mind I was always a size 24, even when I was a size 7.

Even when I was an athlete, I thought I was fat. Of course, because I was fat, I couldn’t be an athlete. Mind you, I wasn’t actually fat, I was a size 11, and for my body type, well I looked damn fine. Probably part of the mind picture was influenced by the size of my bust, and thanks to my dear mother, I felt like a circus freak. Because the scales said that I weighed 190 pounds, I was told that I was obese. I was told that I needed to exercise more. Mind you, at this time of my life, I was doing judo for 4 hours a week and tae kwon do 10 to 15 hours a week. I was in some serious butt-kicking shape, but I believed that I was obese, I believed that I was fat.

I recently went through some photos with my son from when he was a baby and I could not believe what I looked like. I wasn’t fat, and I sure didn’t look like a circus freak. I looked like a “normal” sized person.

I am using those pictures to build a new “head” picture of myself. A picture of what I want to look like, but this time I hope that I can have an honest and accurate picture of myself.

I don’t want to have the band installed, go through all the hard work involved with this tool, and then fail because I don’t have a true picture of myself. One of the tools I plan to use is the knowledge of the size of my clothes. I know that in those pictures of my baby I was a size 12/14. I wasn’t fat, and once I regain that size again, I won’t be fat then either.

I would like to know how other are changing their “head” pictures, how they are changing and adjusting to their new sizes.

4/20 I don't know who said it, but it goes something like "you cannot achieve what your mind cannot conceive."

If we cannot realistically picture ourselves at our goal, how can we achieve it? This is true for those of us who don't really know what we look like, ever.

I wonder if there is a software package that will cause people to "lose" weight. I mean there are software packages out there that will age people, these are used by law enforcement agencies that track lost or missing children. (I watch a lot of true crime TV) So, it makes me wonder if there is any software that will reduce someone's picture, if there is some way to put someone’s portrait on a “diet.”

I can see this being a very big seller for bariatric doctors...

8/2 But of course, I thought I was gi-normous when that pix was taken because I weighed about 180. I am pretty sure I was about a size 12-14 in that picture, but I might have been as "big" as a size 16. I always thought I was huge in high school because at 5'5" and 150 pound is huge, but looking through old year book photos.. I looked the same as everyone else

I have to remind and remind and remind myself that I am not built like anyone else. And by that extension, no one is built like anyone else either. A size 14 looks differently on me than it looks on other people.

I just know that I have to change my head picture. I have to accept that I'm not ugly, that at best I'm not plain looking.

I think it is just as important for those of us who don't have a thinner picture to find one. Or rather, make one up.

I made Kathy take down her "fat" pix from her fridge. Just seeing that fat pix reinforces the fat mind-image.

The only picture I had of me for the longest time was a horrible one my parents took of me. I was in a bathing suit and they made me stick my belly out as far as I possibly could so I would look as fat as possible. I believe the theory was so that I would be so disgusted with my self I would be forced to change my behaviors.

But if the only way we see ourselves is in a horrible fat picture, how can we see ourselves any other way?

I think I we don't have a real picture, we need to find one of someone who we "think" we would like to look like. Take that pix and morph our head onto that body.