Fears 01-29-2006

The other day someone posed a question for a fun Friday thread -- what are you afraid of.

Well, I'm afraid that I have Cushing's but at the same time I'm afraid I don't have Cushing's. I know that doesn't make sense, but that's where I am. If I don't have it, then I have something even more rare and weird, possibly something call something like "metabolic disorder X..." Oh good.

But if I have Cushing's then what kind do I have? I'm afraid I have a brain tumor. I'm afraid I have some tumor on my adrenal. I'm afraid I have lung cancer. Tumor. That word echoes in my brain, in my head, in my very soul. I'm not used to being afraid. I picture myself as more the fearless type, but I cried myself to sleep last night.

I'm afraid that if I have Cushing's I'll be part of the 20% that isn't cured. I'm afraid of more surgery. I'm afraid that the recovery will be as awful as it has been described by some of the folks that have recovered. One woman said that she was in constant pain and it was like she had fibromyalgia. Okay, I had to laugh at that, if the worst of her recovery was feeling like she had fibromyalgia, then sign me up. You see, I have fibromyalgia.

Is it worth walking through fire? I guess the real question is more along the lines of why wouldn't it be worth it to become healthy and have no more symptoms.