Food, my mistress 5/13/05

Last week I realized something rather interesting. I don’t eat in my car anymore. I used to get fast food and eat that on the way to somewhere. Gobble it down really. My car was always full of kids’ meal bags and toys (for me, not my kid), or sandwich wrappers. Now it just looks like I have a drinking problem with all the half finished water bottles, or the occasional Sobe bottle.

Because I have to chew everything, as opposed to gulping, I have become more mindful of when and what I eat. I have to be very careful to not get really hungry. I know, that sounds like crazy talk, me get hungry? If I get really hungry I forget the proper Bandster etiquette and end up with something getting stuck.

I find myself cooking for myself now. I hardly ever do any fast food anymore, even though I can actually eat little cheese burgers and pizza and … stuff. I don’t do this very often, and my calorie intake is still within range on the days I do have fast food.

It is so different from the before time. I didn’t have to think about food. I didn’t have to be mindful of food. It is almost easier when I didn’t have to think about food, because now it can hurt. Oh sure, it was hurting me before, but a slower, more insidious hurt. Not the “oh my gawd, that is stuck and it hurts” sort of hurt.

I can eat everything I ate before the band was installed, at least everything I’ve tried. Cheeseburgers, pizza, pasta, rice, eggs, bread… Things get stuck, but I’ve been fortunate that I’ve never had a PB or the slimes. Just smaller quantities than before.

Food is now deliberate.