I’m a wreck II 3/9/05

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I truly cherish the support I find here.

Megan, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it was exactly that I was mourning. Those meditations produced the haiku I previously posted.

I’m not really mourning food. I’m mourning the anticipated loss of power. I know that I will not be losing any of my physical strength, but in losing size, I loose intimidation power. I’m sure that makes me sound like a lunatic, or a megalomaniac, or maybe a little of both.

I’m sort of built like a prison matron. Picture Queen Latifa in Chicago. I am fearless, I think, in part because I know that no one is going to mess with me. Mind you, I’m a fluffy bunny inside. While jerks in bars feel no threat in harassing slender women, they think twice about the situation if I have to get involved. This has happened on more than one occasion.

I also use my size as a shield and armor against the difficult times I’ve had to endure. My size was a buffer against the wolves that raised me.

And unfortunately, I had to take an ambulance ride today. A sudden and severe asthma attack hit me so hard I couldn’t get to my apartment and take a breathing treatment. The good news is that it shouldn’t affect my surgery on Monday.

Thanks again for listening.